The piece below was written by Karen Kunawicz circa 1997. Sometime way back in 2004, I was given a clipping of her column where this article appeared and I have hung on to it ever since.

I am sharing this because of sheer angst overload for editing and plotting my novel. In addition, I have taken Panadol and ivy-leaf cough syrup for my little ongoing cough-and-cold problem, hence my brain is woozy.

Be very, very afraid, peons!

What is the sound of a heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it’s the sound of a telephone that doesn’t ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it’s the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.

It’s the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces, at recognizing the word goodbye, it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it’s the sound of your own feeble hands desperately trying to push back the hands of time, it’s the sound of all those years disappearing into the vortex of Cupid’s kitchen sink, it’s the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside your door.

It’s the sound of the rain that has never ever stopped, of all the doors of the world shutting at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there’s no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of I love yous burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves at the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic S.O.S. to the world, the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of music he made going straight to your gut.

The sound of the things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as it swallows your saltiest tear.

It’s the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn’t there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it’s the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it’s the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn’t always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophe can be as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery.

No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

These past few days, I have been thinking about relationships. Particularly those borne of romantic love.

I realized mainly two things:

1. The true value of a person to you is measured by how much you miss them when they are not with you

Sometimes we get irritated and yell at our loved ones, or perhaps wish they would stop bugging us about trivial things – such as television shows, laundry, food for dinner.

But then we feel empty when they are not around, as if a part of ourselves had wandered off, lost. Only then can we feel the void that only the loved one can actually fill.

2. The true value of a relationship can only be totally appreciated upon looking at the relationships of others

We oftentimes forget to stop for just a minute and thank God that we are still together, that we still love someone very much and that someone loves us the same way, perhaps even more.

We need to look at the people who allow themselves to be hurt and abused inside and out because of love, and be grateful that what we have is good, healthy and honest. That someone sincerely takes care of us and only wants what is best for us.

Love is never perfect. It is always a work in progress.

And we must work hard at it, always.

This is a love letter, the first I have ever actually finished.

I am sharing it with the world, because it is something I will never, ever be ashamed of.

To My Dearest~

You came into my life when I most needed someone like you in it.

Life, as it always is, had been particularly cruel and I was running away and hiding like a wounded animal.

When I saw you on the fateful Thursday evening, I knew that maybe you will be someone to heal me.

You are like an angel rising from the ashes of my razed hopes. You are everything I have ever really wanted – someone simple and true and brave, someone strong and unselfish and so beautiful of soul that sometimes I think I don’t deserve to be next to you.

We have weathered so many storms and grown up so much since the beginning.

I love you. No matter what happens.

~Always, Yours

Majority of the populace in ye olde domicile have religiously followed Endless Love: Autumn Story and Endless Love 2: Winter Sonata on GMA-7.

As it is one of my fine, unbreakable habits of spoiling things for everyone by knowing the endings of television novellas way ahead, I stumbled across an Endless Love 2: Winter Sonata domain in one of my sporadic online research sessions in the middle of December last year.

This very elegantly designed website, however, is currently offline. Of late, all that ever shows up during my visits is a placeholder page for Name Secure. Most unfortunate, really.

The aforementioned domain used to have a front/splash page containing a sweet montage of photographs of the lead characters as well as a heartbreakingly beautiful poem by Sara Teasdale.

I have long since downloaded the poem’s full text and would now like to share it, for everyone to appreciate.

The Flight
by Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)

Look back with longing eyes and know that I will follow
Lift me up in your love as a light wing lifts a swallow
Let our flight be far in sun or blowing rain
But what if I heard my first love calling me again?

Hold me on your heart as the brave sea holds the foam
Take me far away to the hills that hide your home
Peace shall thatch the roof and love shall latch the door
But what if I heard my first love calling me once more?

Next week, GMA-7 will have its premier broadcast of the romantic drama series’ third installment, Endless Love 3: Summer Scent.

I have been amusing myself a bit with this fun and informative site.

Here is my free “romance analysis:”

Venus Trine Neptune with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

However cool or cynical you may appear to be externally, you are extraordinarily sensitive and romantic. You are gentle and artistic and would rather do without a relationship than be part of one which does not measure up to your highest ideals of love.

In de words of de prophet:“Puwede!”

I found a poem from my miscellaneous text file folder that I want to share with anyone who cares to read. I loved this piece the first time I read it.

The poem’s verses speak of love, wanting but only watching and very much hurting. Quite beautiful, this one.

Strength

I am strong

When I feel dawn’s gentle kiss on my cheek
And wish for nothing more but your touch
I stay still and keep my hand empty

While you look on another with whole soul in your eyes
Dare I snatch you away?
I fall silent and whisper, “Never”
On a night like tonight
Only your arms can lull me to sleep
Yet I lift no finger to call you

Then the stars fall from heaven
As it happens once more
I see the whole universe
Walk through the door
In spite of myself, I hear you move
I feel you speak
And wish for nothing more
But to be the weakest of weak